These are the
7 Habits for Calmness to develop that will help you develop calmness :
1. A calm morning ritual. Many people rush through
their mornings, starting the day out in a stressful rush. I wake up a
little earlier (5 a.m. these days, though that changes), and start with a
little meditation, then a few yoga poses. I then start writing, before I
let the noise in. Exercise is another component of my morning routine.
You don’t need to do the same things, but find the quiet of the morning
and make the most of it.
2. Learn to watch your response. When something
stressful happens, what is your response? Some people jump into action —
though if the stressful situation is another person, sometimes action
can be harmful. Others get angry, or overwhelmed. Still others start to
feel sorry for themselves, and wish things were different. Why can’t
other people behave better? Watch this response — it’s an important
habit.
3. Don’t take things personally. Many times the
response (that you noticed in Habit 2) is to take things personally. If
someone does something we don’t like, often we tend to interpret this as
a personal affront. Our kids don’t clean their rooms? They are defying
us! Our spouse doesn’t show affection today? He/she must not care as
much as he/she should! Someone acts rudely at work? How could they treat
us this way?! Some people even think the universe is personally against
them. But the truth is, it’s not personal — it’s the other person’s
issue that they’re dealing with. They are doing the best they can. You
can learn not to interpret events as a personal affront, and instead see
it as some non-personal external event (like a leaf falling, a bird
flying by) that you can either respond to without a stressful mindset,
or not need to respond to at all.
4. Be grateful. Sure, lots of people talk about
gratitude … but how often do we apply it to the events of our day?
Things are crashing down at work, or our boss is angry, or our
co-workers are rude, or our kids are misbehaving, or someone doesn’t
love us as we’d like … do these cause anger/anxiety/unhappiness, or can
we be grateful? Drop the complaints, and find a way to be grateful, no
matter what. And then smile. This unbending habit can change your life.
5. Create stress coping habits. Many times, when we
are faced with stress, we have unhealthy responses — anger, feeling
overwhelmed and withdrawing, eating junk food, drinking alcohol or
taking drugs, shopping or otherwise buying stuff, going to time-wasting
sites, procrastinating, and so on. Instead, we need healthy ways to cope
with stress, which will come inevitably. When you notice stress, watch
how you cope with it, and then replace any unhealthy coping habits with
healthier ones. Healthy stress coping habits include:
drinking tea,
exercise, yoga, meditation, massaging your own neck & shoulders,
taking a walk, drinking some water, talking with someone you care about.
6. Single-task. I’ve written numerous times in the
past about single-tasking vs. multitasking, but I think people multitask
now more than ever. People text while on the train, while walking,
while
driving. They tweet and post to Facebook and Instagram,
they email and read blogs and news, they watch videos while getting
things done, they watch TV while eating, they plan their day while doing
chores. This is a great way to cause a level of anxiety that runs
through everything you do, because you’re always worried you should be
doing more, doing something else. What if, instead, you just did one
thing, and learned to trust that you shouldn’t be doing anything else?
It takes practice: just eat. Just wash your bowl. Just walk. Just talk
to someone. Just read one article or book, without switching. Just
write. Just do your email, one at a time, until your
inbox is empty. You’ll learn that there is peace in just doing one thing, and letting go of everything else.
7. Reduce noise. Our lives are filled with all kinds
of noise — visual clutter, notifications, social media, news, all the
things we need to read. And truthfully, none of it is necessary. Reduce
all these things and more, and create some space, some quiet, in your
life.
